I can't believe it's been 15 years.

I've debated all day what to write about this.  But I can't get it out of my mind.  Fifteen years ago today we lost a very loving, caring, hard-working christian man.  This song "If You Could See Me Now.  We heard it on the way to his funeral, and I had never heard it before then, and haven't heard it since.  Other than when I looked it up on youtube.  It's a perfect song for my Dad.  Because he had Lou Gherigs Disease.  In which if your not familiar with it.  It's a disease that attacks the muscles.  His legs were the first to be affected, he went from a walker to a wheelchair.  Then it was his arms to finally the last week he was with us it affected his swallowing, and to the point of the last night he couldn't talk to us but in a whisper.
I can remember not long after I bought my first car.  He had fallen at work and broke his wrist.  In which we didn't know it at the time but most likely he already had the disease but we didn't know it.  Because that was the first of several falls. 
He was outside changing the spark plugs on my car and for some reason he went in the house.  When he came back out I had pulled all the covers off the plugs.  I thought I was helping him.  All he said was go see if your Mom needs you in the house.  He never scolded me for doing it and I didn't learn until years later that by doing it I wasn't helping him at all.
I know in my heart he's in a better place.  But I still miss him.  There's days I wish I could ask him for advice.  Because he was a very smart man.  He was quiet, and soft-spoken.  He wasn't one to express his emotions.  He never said I love you, but we knew that he did.  He never said anything bad about anyone.  I can't remember him ever raising his voice to any of us six kids.  And I'm sure we gave him plenty of reasons that he could have if he had wanted to.  I never heard him or my Mom argue.  I'm sure there were disagreements but they never discussed them in front of us. 
He rarely missed a day of work.  If he did then he was so sick he couldn't get out of bed. 
He was always there for us.  We didn't have the toys and electronics that the kids today have.  But we had what we needed.  
He served his church for many years and helped anyone that he could.
I miss him and love him , but I wouldn't want him to come back .  I would rather one day for us all to meet him in heaven.

How it all started: My Dad

I've been told that I think I grew up in a Beaver Cleaver family. And for the most part I think maybe it was.
I say most part because one day my Mom said well there was your Daddy before he started going to church. Not long after they got married. She has a picture of him holding a string of fish with his shirt off and a cigar in his mouth. He loved to go fishing when he wasn't working.
I never heard my parents argue. I'm sure they did, but they never did it in front of the kids. Or maybe like Megan, says of her and Denny they disagree but they never really argue. I can remember my Dad walking away and closing the door to their bedroom. And I believe that was his way to walk away before it was an arguement. Then later he would come back out and everything was fine.
My parents never raised their voice at us. I'm sure with six of us in the house we gave them plenty of reason to. I know I did as I got older.
I can remember soon after I got my first car and my Dad had a sprained wrist. That was the first time he had fallen at work. Which at the time we didn't know he was sick, just thought he had somehow fallen down and hurt his wrist. He was in the backyard changing the spark plugs in my car. He went in the house for something and I thought I would help him so I took all the covers off of the spark plugs. He came back and all he said was "go see if your Mama needs you in the house". In which I didn't know until years later after marriage that I made his work harder by doing that. But he finished with his one good hand and never said another word about it.
I remember to this day the one time when I was older, after marriage that I lied to my Dad to his face. When I think about that now it hurts that I can never go back and tell him the truth and that I'm sorry for doing it. If you want to know what it is I will tell you but I don't think it's something I want to put in a blog. I miss not being able to tell him that I love him. He never told us, because men just weren't brought up that way back then to express their feelings. But we knew that he did. Just by the way he treated us and took care of us.
Daddy worked at what is now International Paper and I can't remember him missing work much. If he was sick he would at least go in until they could call in a replacement. I never heard him speak an unkind word to anyone or about anyone. I think that he believed in the saying if you can't say something nice about someone then just don't say anything at all about them.
He provided the best he could for us. We didn't have all the things our kids have these days, one they weren't invented yet, the other we couldn't have afforded it. But he took care of what we needed. Yes we were brought up strict, the way the church believed back then. Probably too strict, and that's why you don't see a lot of the kids brought up back then, in church today. It was basically church, and home.
Last Saturday would have been Daddy's 81st Birthday, and even though he's been gone for fourteen years now. I don't think there's many a day that goes by that I don't think what if. Michael was only three, so he doesn't remember that much about him and he never got to meet Makayla. He didn't get to see Megan and Denny get married, and how happy she is. He would love Denny because yes Denny is a lot like him. Denny is quiet, and a hard worker. He takes care of Megan and makes sure she has what she needs. He's a person you can love and respect because of his values. And now me about to be a Grandma. I wonder what he would think and say about it. Because I can see Megan when she was about five or six combing his hair and putting hair bows all over it and he never said a word. He just sat there and let her do it.
We miss you and love you Daddy



To be continued: My Mom